


let's listen to bebe rexha and make out

by guineaDogs



Category: South Park
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Clubbing, Drug Use, M/M, Open Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-04-05 21:38:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19048939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guineaDogs/pseuds/guineaDogs
Summary: While clubbing with Tweek, Craig has a very weird encounter.





	let's listen to bebe rexha and make out

**Author's Note:**

> i am very, very high right now. do you think i'm capable of conceptualizing a worthwhile story? or writing in neat and nuanced ways? if you think that's a resounding **NO O O O P E** i absolutely agree. i couldn't even handle proof-reading! you get the rawest weird thing ever

The club was a hopping place. Hot slick bodies on the dancefloor, flashing lights, copious amounts of body paint. Craig had black Xes on his hands, which was pretty lame, but that’s what Tweek was for. Really, he was the best boyfriend ever. Already twenty-one, he was more than willing to buy him anything he wanted. 

Booze.

Weed.

Those little strips that made him feel like he could taste sound and feel colors. 

The latter he’d gotten in a heated exchange on the dancefloor. Pressed flush against one another, blue and green luminescent paint smearing together, they kissed, the strip exchanged when Tweek’s tongue tangled with his. He tasted nice. Like the Dr Pepper and Sailor Jerry that he’d bought at the counter, which they’d subsequently shared when tucked away in a dark corner. 

But more importantly, he tasted like Tweek. The love of his life, the most perfect person in the world. He could taste him forever. Following that, however, he pulled away from him. Tweek murmured in his ear. “Kenny’s waiting for me on the roof. I’ll be back.”

Craig was content to watch him walk away, and when he was no longer visible in the sea of people, he resumed dancing. And that was when he saw him. It felt like the whole world slowed down, the bass dropped, his periphery was darkened while the man straight ahead seemed to bask in colorful light.

It was him.

Himself.

Sure, his hair seemed a little thing. He was shorter. Stockier, but with broader shoulders. But it was him. Clearly himself, from the future.

He needed to talk to him.

Pushing his way through the crowd, he clasped the other him’s wrist. “Hey. I. I need--” Craig needed everything. Needed to know everything;. What happened between now and then? Were he and Tweek still together? Did they upgrade to having llamas in their backyard? Or was he single and forever alone because he got older than twenty-five?

But as his eyes narrowed, as he scrutinized the other him’s face. He took in the traces of crow’s feet as he smiled, noticed the dark stubble that made the world’s most obvious five o’clock shadow. He was beautiful. Which Craig already knew, he already knew that he was a hot piece of ass already. 

There’d been plenty of times when he’s admired himself in his full length mirror before getting ready for the day. Or while Tweek railed him. But it was wonderful to know that boner material remained so old: twenty-seven? or perhaps thirty-five? Seventy-three? He wasn’t sure. The important thing is he’d fuck his future self, just as much he’d fuck his current self if he could.

That was when something occurred to Craig: he had that option now. He could fuck his future self tonight, and even Saint Peter came the next day like the sassy bitch he was, Craig could be happy with that.

“God, I’m so hot.” His green eyes were wide as he looked up into older him’s blue.

Older him seemed really confused. “I haven't heard this tactic before, but. Yeah, you, uh. You really are. Wow.”

Craig slid his hand up Older Him’s arm. The blue on his hand smeared with the red on Older Him. Purple was lovely. It was elegant and it was lovely, just like Older him. “I wanna do so much with you.”

Older him blushed in a way. “My apartment is right around the corner.”

“We gotta go fast.”

* * *

 

And they did. They got to his apartment so quickly, Craig was certain no one had ever gotten there faster. Immediately they were ripping off their clothes, stumbling back to Older him’s large fluffy bed. They bounced a little as they settled, and leaning over, they embraced one another and their lips met once more. 

They made love that night, and Craig was certain that it would be one of those cherished memories. He was amazed by how different it was when Older him pounded into him. He didn’t actually have a fair reference; he only ever dreamed of fucking himself, but he imagined that if Older him’s dick was the exact same as his, it wouldn’t feel so… thick.

Perhaps it just changed over time. Like how weight shifted. Maybe when the muscle mass in his pecs dropped down to be belly fat. That was what happened, when he got old, wasn’t it? Craig didn’t actually know the answer of that. Perhaps it was also like how a male is expected to lose an inch of his height by the time he reached the ultra elderly stages of life. 

It didn’t matter. What mattered was that it was really good dick and Craig had no regrets.

After all, finally, after being told to go fuck himself throughout his life, he could finally say that he had.

 

* * *

 

It was late the following afternoon when he awake. He knew because of the clock on the nightstand. He noticed this like a smart person. There was also a glass of water left there for him. That was nice.

He sat up and drank it. And just by chance, Older him passed by in the hall and noticed him awake. “Older me?”

Older him looked confused again. “O’Delmey?  _ What. _ ” He shook his head. “Breakfast is ready, by the way--er, lunch, I guess? The name’s Stan, by the way.”

“I am so down for food.”

Older-him-Stan nodded. “You should call your boyfriend back, by the way.”

It was then that Craig checked his phone, where he had a text from Tweek:  _ Please tell me you’re off fucking someong andyou’re not dead!!!” _

“Oh. Yeah, thanks.”


End file.
